99 Failed Attempts to Capture Tsurara's Heart
by Ghostlingx
Summary: Well... when people have troubles falling in love with others that they shouldn't fall for. Stuff gets real. Sometimes a break from common sense helps a lot. People attempt to capture Tsurara's love countless times, but fail constantly. These are their failures. Don't read if you dislike OOCness.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Nuraihyon No Mago.

**Message:** This is probably what you're thinking right now: "Da Faq is this?" Well... It's a story with 99 failed attempts by Shima to capture Tsurara's heart. Plz don't mind the OOCness. It is intended. No I'm not retarded... I'm just really bored.

Some chapters will not be in Sima's POV

99 Failed Attempts to Capture Tsurara's Heart

**Chapter 1: **I has cheeseburger.

My eyes scouted the room, searching for Tsurara. As I spotted the patch of blue within the crowd of blonde, black, and blonde hair colours, I started walking towards the luscious hair. I stood a short distance behind Tsurara and ruffled my hair, trying to make myself as smexy as possible. Finally I would move one step closer into my goal. I just have to touch her hand and whisper in her ear that I love her. Every thing will go according to my plan and I WILL make her fall in love with me. I slowly approached her, reaching for her hand and grasped it gently. She spun, her hair twirling in the air like a wave of beauty.

"Wah?! W-who... Oh." She stared at me quizzically, nervously looking around for a moment before resuming her cheerful expression.. "Hello Shima-kun. What are you doing here?"

I ignored her question and wrapped my arms around her, feeling the cold of her touch body against my own. She struggled in my grasp as I stroked her cheek, slowly leaning closer to her. "You're beautiful..." I whispered into her ear, loosening my grip around her.

"Eh?! You said what?" she exclaimed, backing off. I quickly refreshed my head and searched for some replies to say, but I couldn't think of anything.

"I-I um... Nothing... I think."

She looked at me quizzically and looked down at my arms. "Why are you hugging me?"

No! I'm not ready to be asked such hard questions yet! I quickly attempted to think of something again, but once again I failed. So, I ended up saying the first thing that came to my mind.

"You're as beautiful as the-" I stopped for a moment thinking about the consequences. Rikuo would probably hate me, and Tsurara might end up hating me too, so I quickly swapped a couple words around. "You're as... delicious as that cheese burger."

And then she slapped me.

* * *

Well... chapter one. I'm so bored right now. I could use some chatter, but anyways... please don't think I'm weird. I'm just really bored. :/


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Nuraihyon No Mago.

**Message:** This is probably what you're thinking right now: "Da Faq is this?" Well... It's a story with 99 failed attempts by Shima to capture Tsurara's heart. Plz don't mind the OOCness. It is intended. No I'm not retarded... I'm just really bored.  
Some chapters will not be in Sima's POV  
Lets see... how long will i be able to keep up this series? lol  
Review plz! XD

* * *

**Chapter 2: **Making melon-pops

I, Jiro Shima, had a bad day. I was walking to a near-by convenience store when I saw Rikuo jumping around on the rooftops with Tsurara in his hands like a hero saving a damsel in distress. I mean... its so goddamn unfair. He gets swarmed by the ladies while I have to chase a single girl without any success. He's like the honey, and I'm the torch. I'm tired of seeing Rikuo play hero 24/7. I swear. I WILL impress Tsurara.

~o0o~

Here, I have my plans all set out and ready to go. Operation Melon-pop. Everyone knows that Tsurara enjoys eating cold deserts, so when I make her a bunch of melon pops, she'll know how nice of a person I am. Maybe she'll even notice how handsome and smexy I am. So here is how my plan is going to work out.

1. Squeeze melon juice out of melons.  
2. Pour melon juice into container.  
3. Place Popsicle-stick into the juice.  
4. Place the juice into the freezer.  
5. Voila! Give Tsurara the Popsicle.

I slowly read over my own instructions, but they seemed a bit too complicated for me, so I ended up going to the nearest convenience store to buy some Huugen-Daz. I walked to the store, allowing the winds to push against me., but you see... I'm too strong to be push around.

After buying some(a lot) Huugen-Daz I walked over to the Nura household, holding the grocery-bag in my hand. I entered without permission(which is a stupid thing to do) and took out a ice cream bar. That's when Tsurara appeared.

"Oh... Oikawa-san... uhh... would you like to have an ice cream bar?" I asked coyly, raising my eyebrows. She stared at me and blinked twice before asking me.

"What are you doing here at twelve at night?"

"I came here to give these to you... so we can do this in the end." I unwrapped my ice cream bar and started sucking on it in a... slightly suggestive way. And of course. This is how it ends.

*Slap!*


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Nuraihyon No Mago.

**Message:** This is probably what you're thinking right now: "Da Faq is this?" Well... It's a story with 99 failed attempts by Shima to capture Tsurara's heart. Plz don't mind the OOCness. It is intended. No I'm not retarded... I'm just really bored.  
Some chapters will not be in Sima's POV  
Lets see... how long will i be able to keep up this series? lol  
Review plz! XD

* * *

**Chapter 3: **Workout Wheelz

I walked around the park, feeling my cheek(Where _she _ha last slapped me), and slowly took out my wallet, counting the amount of money I had. Ten dollars and fifty cents. Not much, but it'll have to do.

This time's plan is to go down a path that seems a bit closer to what Rikuo would do. Since Rikuo is always buff, muscular, and strong at night, I have come to the conclusion that Tsurara MUST love strong and handsome people. Because I am just a person with the looks and legs to run with(from soccer), I have decided to give myself a six-pack.

The only problem is... I have no idea how, so I'm just going to go with my best bet: Biking. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to buy a bike which costs... no idea how much it costs, but you get my idea. According to my research, biking is an excellent way to get fit. Voila! We have a plan!

I slowly walked into the bike store and looked around, scanning the room for a bike that costs around ten dollars, but I couldn't find any. But... that's when I saw it. The BMX tricycle: only five dollars.I fist pumped the air and grabbed it, making poses with it in front of the mirror.

I swear... this will work! I swaggered over to the counter and fished out my money, placing a five dollar bill on the counter and leaving with my prized possession.

~o0o~

I walked over the the park and got on the tricycle. Three. Two. One! I pedaled like crazy, blasting my way across the entire park. I zipped past everyone with style, I mean.. just look at their faces. They were all staring at me. Jealous?

Unfortunately, that's when I noticed Tsurara walking in front of me, holding an ice cream cone in her right hand. That's also when I noticed that my tricycle didn't have breaks. You can guess what happened.

*Bam!* *Splat* *Crash!* *Scream!* ***SLAP***

* * *

Review please! XD  
Hope you enjoyed!  
You better be ready to read 99 chapters! XD


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Nuraihyon No Mago.

**Message:** This is probably what you're thinking right now: "Da Faq is this?" Well... It's a story with 99 failed attempts by Shima to capture Tsurara's heart. Plz don't mind the OOCness. It is intended. No I'm not retarded... I'm just really bored.  
Some chapters will not be in Sima's POV  
Lets see... how long will i be able to keep up this series? lol  
Review plz! XD

* * *

**Chapter 4: **Thrift shop

Sometimes life can be boring, so today I decided to go to the Thrift shop. I swaggered smexily towards the shop, fiddling with the twenty bucks in my pocket. I looked around, giving the doorway break dancers a quick glance before entering. "What should I buy?" I asked myself, scanning the countless stalls. "Perhaps something to impress Oikawa-san with?" I chuckled and searched through a pile of old fur coats, looking for something to amplify my handsomeness. I smiled, picking out the furry, orange, leopard-striped coat. Perfect. I placed my first choice into the shopping cart.

Next, I walked over to the shoe section, staring at all the boxes aligned neatly on the wall. Adias, nope. Nike, nope. Puma, nope. Sketchers, nope. They all had laces. I need something with Velcro to pimp myself out. That's when I saw the pink, flashing running shoes. Hell yes! I have my pick right in front of me. I quickly tossed the pair of shoes into the cart and continued.

After about two full hours of picking out my stuff, my cart was finally full. I had shoes, a furry coat, a morph suit, a bunch of old socks, a bunch of plaid golf pants, three pairs of sunglasses, and a bunch of second hand soccer cleats. The ideal set of stuff to buy from a thrift shop, but that's when i realised I only brought twenty dollars. None of the stuff I bought cost under that except for the shoes and a pair of orange sunglasses, so I kept the two and put the rest back to where found them.

~o0o~

An hour later...

I slowly approached Tsurara from behind, lifting my sunglasses the way models on commercials do, and tapped her shoulder. She spun around, looking a bit surprised at first, but two seconds later I could tell she was pissed.

"You again?!" she yelled, glaring at me with ice cold eyes.

"Your eyes are beautiful... they're like twin glacial orbs. Truly a gift from Abe no Seime..."

"Get lost!" she screamed, looking dangerously close to slapping me. I panicked. I needed back up, but that's when I remembered I still had my pink flashy shoes on.

"Hey! Look at my shoes! They look cool don't they?" I called out loudly, making every single person around us look at me.

Out of nowhere Rikuo appeared. "Oh! Damn! He got the Velcro!"

"So?"

"THhey're pink too! HAR HAR HAR!"

_That is how my life ended._

* * *

Yes I admit I did get this idea from Mackelmore... I mean... its just such a good song XD Hilarious. I'll make a better one next chappie.

Review plz! XD


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Nuraihyon No Mago.

**Message:** This is probably what you're thinking right now: "Da Faq is this?" Well... It's a story with 99 failed attempts by Shima to capture Tsurara's heart. Plz don't mind the OOCness. It is intended. No I'm not retarded... I'm just really bored.  
Some chapters will not be in Sima's POV like dis one :)  
Lets see... how long will i be able to keep up this series? lol  
Review plz! XD

* * *

**Chapter 5: **Puppet's love affair Part. 1  
Gozu's POV

I rested on my usual branch of the tree, looking down onto the courtyard of the Nura household. Ever since Rikuo defeated Abe no Seimei, life has been boring. But at least peaceful. Although action may not be the best trade for peace, it's still something. Oh... and by the way. I've had my eye on that Yuki onna girl that I used to give a hard time. Maybe its because I'm bored, or I'm actually experiencing what they call 'love'. Although I'm too embarrassed to admit it, I'll still be trying to wheel her.

"Hey! Gozu!" Mezumaru called, dropping onto a branch near mine. "Still on the lookout for her?"

"Maybe..." I mumbled, sighing.

He smiled stupidly, pulling out a few puppet strings. "I'll help you."

"You can't control other Youkai remember?"

"Yeah... I know. I can get Rikuo to fall in love with me though."

"Wait what? He's not..."

"I mean... I can get him to fall in love with some random human, like that Kana girl."

I sighed and punched Mezumaru in the face. "That won't make that beautiful lady fall in love with me though."

"See? You've finally admitted it!" he called out. "If you really love her, just tell her that you love her. It's simple!"

"Hm... I suppose, but I don't think it will be as simple as that. I'll come up with a plan."

~o0o~

Mehehehe! I have my plan! I _will _capture her heart!

"Why did you bring me here?" Mezumaru asked, looking around the dark candlelit room.

"To discuss plans to make _her _fall in love with me." I raised my brows to emphasize the word 'her', but Mezumaru didn't seem to catch that.

"Okay. Here's my plan." I pulled out a scroll, containing my blueprint for the plan.

_Gozu's seduction plan._

_1. Ask Tsurara out.  
2. Get the cow puppeteer to control Kana and use her to ask Rikuo out.  
3. Bring Tsurara to the beach.  
4. Bring Rikuo to the beach with Kana, and make them kissy muah muah :3  
5. Kiss Tsurara when she looks jealous.  
6. Tell her its okay, and that she has me.  
_

"Wow... Gozu... you're such a... Gosu player..."

"Yeah... I know right. Finally, I'll be able to show her my smexiness, and she will fall helplessly in love with me."

"Your smexiness? You mean your ****?"

*punch*

* * *

Part one done, part two will come later. Otherwise, I'm not that bored right now, so I'll come back to this when I'm bored :)  
Review plz... actually, there is no point of reviewing, but oh well.

And yes, I did put it at T rated, cause you know... some stuffs is inapropro :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Nuraihyon No Mago.

**Message:** This is probably what you're thinking right now: "Da Faq is this?" Well... It's a story with 99 failed attempts by Shima and other characters to capture Tsurara's heart. Plz don't mind the OOCness. It is intended. No I'm not retarded... I'm just really bored.  
Some chapters will not be in Sima's POV like dis one :)  
Lets see... how long will i be able to keep up this series? lol  
Review plz! XD  
Sorry this came out late. I had a _**VERY**_ busy schedule.

* * *

**Chapter 5: **Puppet's love affair Part. 2  
Gozu's POV

I took a deep breath, relaxing my mind and body. I even did a few yoga moves just to achieve the mentally relaxed state that I should be in. A plan will not fail, especially if everything is set out perfectly like a potato ready to be cut and turned into fires. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, straightening my back. The plan seems so simple, but in reality confessing isn't such an easy thing. I looked down from my usual tree, scanning the courtyard for Tsurara. I jumped down from my perch up in the tree and slowly walked over, nervously glancing around to see if any other unwanted youkai are watching.

I reached for her, tapping her shoulder. She spun around, looking a bit startled. "Hey Tsurara... Um... I know this is a bit sudden, but I like you a lot and... I was wondering if you would like to go out to the beach with me."

She stared at me weirdly, most likely scanning my body for its attractiveness level. She blinked twice and blushed. "Bu-but... I already... sure. Yeah, I suppose I'll go with you." My heart skipped a beat, and my eyes went wide.

"R-r-really?"

"Sure... I suppose." Although she seemed embarrassed, and even a little reluctant, but I was content with her answer.

"I was thinking, since the weather's really nice today, would you mind going their for our... date?"

Tsurara paused for a moment and looked at me closely. "What's with you? You usually don't... act like this. You're usually an ass to me."

"I'm sorry, I only did those things to... grab your attention." I lied, quickly coming up with a random excuse. She looked at me weirdly, an expression that showed that she doesn't fully trust me, but I really don't mind as long as I capture her heart.

~o0o~

_5 hours later_

I grabbed my shades and put 'em on, showing off mah swag. I nodded towards the tree that Mezumaru stood in. He gave me a thumbs up, showing me his puppet stings, and signaling that he had gained control over Kana.

I sighed and sat on the beach, quietly inspecting my toes while waiting for the ice maiden. Soon, Tsurara showed up in human form, wearing a lovely grey and blue striped sweater, denim shorts, and a pair of flip-flops. I'll admit that it was pretty hard not to blush when I saw her. "Hey... you look... gorgeous," I breathed, staring at her, slowly taking off my shades.

Her face flushed, creating a pinkish coloured (Canadian spelling) tint on her cheeks. "Thanks," she murmured. I grabbed her hand and gave her a reassuring smile.

"So what do you want to do first? Want to get some Takoyaki? I mean... everyone loves those octopus ballz."

Tsurara stopped and stared suspiciously at me for a moment before giving off a coy laugh. "Um... no thanks."

"HUE HUE HUE! Hey... Tsurara... do want to see something cool?" I asked, grinning. She stood and stared, unsure about how to answer, so I answered for her. "Yes!" I ripped off my shirt and flexed, giving her sight of my smexy one-pack. I raised my eyebrows and then gave her a hug.

"Wah! Gozu! What are you doing? Are.. are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes! I'm sure I'm fine! I just wanted to show you how Jacked I was compared to that Rikuo boy! Teeheeheeheehee!"

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Kana chasing Rikuo around half naked. I knew at this point that Mezumaru had already screwed it up somehow. Considering that he probably has the same IQ as a docile farm animal, getting this far is an accomplishment.

"Get back here! Rikuo! 3 I want your smexiness!" Kana screamed, running right by the two of us.

Tsurara remained silent and still as a statue, but I decided to continue with the plan.

"Don't worry Tsurara," I coaxed, giving her a mammoth hug."Don't despair about losing Rikuo. After all... you have me."

What could go wrong now? I mean both of us were arm in arm, hugging on the beach with our toes in the sand. The sun was setting just above us, and the current slowly lapsed onto our feet. We were as one. A couple.

**But...** What could be more romantic? Well... apparently Rikuo's screaming and scared face was enough to make Tsurara leave my muscular embrace.

"Tsurara! Save me!" Rikuo wailed, flailing his arms about wildly.

"R-Rikuo-sama? What are you doing here?" she asked, enveloping her master in her comfortable embrace. "What happened to Kana?"

Suddenly, Kana returned to her normal state, and a wild Mezumaru appeared. "Hey! Gosu player! Did it work? Did you show her your ****?"

*Tsurara uses double slap!*

* * *

Sorry, bad chapter... I totally lost all the ideas i had for this chapter. I haven't really been working on this lately... I'm not going to bother editing it either. It's just bad, so leave it as it is.  
Bored again, so I'll post another chappie... soon?


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Nuraihyon No Mago.  
Okay... It's been a while since I've writing any fan fics. Sooo... Bear with me. My memory has its limits.  
People asked for some of my serious work... well... I barely have any that are edited or carefully written so... the closest thing you can find is probably on my fictionpress account. (same name) - go check out my work! :D I'm trying hard to make a story there.  
I wish I could be funnier...  
**LOL Why do i have so many reviews for this...**  
Remember to review after! :D

* * *

**Chapter 6:** Bird watching. (Writer's Block passage)

Gozumaru's POV

I smiled and took a nice breath full of the warm summer air. I lay on the top of a grassy hill, staring straight up at the sky with Tsurara beside me. This time... Mezumaru isn't here, so nothing should go wrong, but according to some dude's law... if something can go wrong, it will go wrong. That's why I got Mezumaru to pretend not be here by hiding in a nearby patch of flowers, just in case.

To be honest,

I kinda want to say some cheesy pick-up line right now, since Tsurara seems bored, but it probably wouldn't go well considering how bad I am with words. I twiddled my thumbs, trying to think of someway to get closer to the Yuki-onna, but nothing could come to my mind. I suppose that I I have to do is be patient and wait for the right timing to blow her off her feet with my hotness. After a while, Tsurara finally broke the silence between us.

I felt the soft cool texture of her hand brush mine as she held onto me. I smiled, sighing in happiness. I, for once, am succeeding!

"Wow... the clouds in the sky... they remind me of snow. So beautiful," she commented.

"Yeah... beautiful... like you." I whispered into her ear,leaning loser towards her. She didn't react, but I could tell she didn't mind. I knew that I was ready for the combo breaker. The last move to get our real relationship going.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a huge flock of doves flew out of nowhere, crossing over us. "I bet you couldn't count how many birds are flying in that flock right now," she challenged.

"I bet I could," I replied, chuckling to myself. I knew that this was my chance, my time to shine... my _combo_ **BREAKER.**

Tsurara smiled and looked at me disbelievingly. "Why? Because you can see all those tiny wings flapping for you?"

"No... more like I see both hands fapping for me, cuz I see our ship sailing upwards!"

*Slap* *Plop* *Splat*

_And so... the ship, along with all its crew, drowned deep within the broken heart._

_;_; ~ Gozumaru..._


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Nuraihyon No Mago.  
Okay... It's been a while since I've writing any fan fics. Sooo... Bear with me. My memory has its limits.  
People asked for some of my serious work... well... I barely have any that are edited or carefully written so... the closest thing you can find is probably on my fictionpress account. (same name) - go check out my work! :D I'm trying hard to make a story there.  
I wish I could be funnier...  
**LOL Why do i have so many reviews for this...**  
Remember to review after! :D

* * *

**Chapter 7:** Big Foot

Shoei's POV

I love Tsurara, and there is no denying that, but... there is one problem with me... I am actually a giant. I may just look a bit taller than the average adult, but truthfully? ... I'm huge. It has been about a week since I asked Tsurara out on our first date. Today is the big day. My first date.

And of course I have a plan... I mean. Who doesn't have a plan on their first date. All I did was ask Tsurara to go out with me and now I have to bring to the Huggen Daz resteraunt. I mean... she has to love it doesn't she? After all... it is ice cream.

Now, all i have to do is sexify myself by putting on some dooshy shades and spiking all my hair up with gel. See? I'm all set and ready to go.

-5 hours later-

I held Tsurara's hand and squeezed firmly inorder to reassure her. "Tsurara I love you," I looked to my right, and all I saw was a certain yuki onna clutching her bloody hand in pain. "Oh...oops sorry Tsurara," so I gave her a hug. I heard soft crunching sounds, so I quickly stopped.

"Shoei... you're too strong... please... don't even touch me," Tsurara gasped, clutching her side with her bloody hand.

"I'm sorry my sweet ice cream cone. You're just so soft..."

Tsurara sighed, and we slowly walked hand in hand towards the Huggen Daz resteraunt. Once we arrived, we sat togeth at a table and ordered a cake. I ruffled my hair in the most sensual way I could and dashingly ripped off my shades, breaking them in the process.

"Um... Shoei?" Tsurara asked, reaching for my hand.

"Yes my sweet cone?" I said, blushing.

"I-I-I love you..."

My jaw dropped at the confession, and slowly, I felt the heat rise up to my face. Unfortunately, my fear decided to activate, and soon I QQed. ;_;

Leik dis if you creid. ;_;

* * *

WTF am i doing with my life?  
Don't really like this chapter myself but this character was requested. I promise I will make a better next.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Nuraihyon No Mago.  
Okay... It's been a while since I've writing any fan fics. Sooo... Bear with me. My memory has its limits.  
People asked for some of my serious work... well... I barely have any that are edited or carefully written so... the closest thing you can find is probably on my fictionpress account. (same name) - go check out my work! :D I'm trying hard to make a story there.  
I wish I could be funnier...  
**LOL Why do i have so many reviews for this...**  
Remember to review after! :D

* * *

**Chapter nein:** PogoSwag Party

Shima POV

A tear fell down the side of my cheek as I looked at the countless bruises on my cheeks. I must some how capture Tsurara's heart and show her how charming I can actually be.

-o0o-

This time I will make Tsurara love me... simply by... inviting her to her first party... and also my first party.

-Two days later-

**Narrator: **A bunch of youkai are happily bouncing about on pogo sticks. Everyone at the mansion has already arrived. All, but one certain Yuki onna. While everyone waits, they drink sake and yell ¿HUE HUE HUE¿. Life is important dey sez. But to show one's swag is even more important. By yelling the words ¿HUE HUE HUE¿ they show that dey has more swagicity than others. A youkai who can sezz ¿HUE HUE HUE¿ Da loudest can has moar swag. Out of everyone, Rikuo-sama yells ¿HUE HUE HUE¿ da loudest cuz he is da leader.

Sudenly, TsurararararaHUE arrives, but duz nut ¿HUE HUE HUE¿ She sez is stupid. She yellz at Shima Kun. She den-

"Shut up!" Tsurara screamed, slapping the narrator in the face. "And Shima! What is this madness!? Why is everyone drunk and bouncing around on pogo sticks yelling HUE HUE HUE!?"

"Oh... I... I-I hired some guy off the internet to be my narrator, I think his name was Morgan Freeman... so... Oh and by the way... I LOVE YOU OIKAWA!" I screamed, giving her a big hug.

-o0o-

**Narrator:** Da next day, I yell ¿HUE HUE HUE¿ Cuz Mr. Shima-kun is frozen on a pogo in hugging position.

* * *

k... da faq did I write... Someone... chat to me. I'm so bored right now.  
I wrote this in honor of **Dennou Writer** my Brazilian friend. Dis chapter was for you.


End file.
